- Kindling.
- Flower-press.
- World’s most effective paperweight.
- Bar-bell.
- Life-size model of an elephant (a cubist elephant).
- Foundation for a small island.
- Murder weapon (think “death by bludgeoning”).
- Booster seat.
- Reading material for the next forty years of your life.
- If you are really desperate, you might even use it as a STUDY GUIDE to the SAT. Novel idea, I know.
(Pictured with person for scale)
All kidding aside, this book is ENORMOUS. It’s like Kaplan wants you to feel the weight of your impending doom via SAT as fully as possible. If they double-spaced the entire Bible in eighteen point Courier, I do not think it would be this big. But despite the dauntingness of this behemoth, I do expect it to be helpful. I was very happy with Kaplan’s PSAT prep book.
Oh, and coincidentally, I’m going to be taking the SAT exactly one month from today: on June 3rd! What a fun time that will be… hours and hours of stressing out over question after question in an agonizingly boring standardized test, sitting in a dank, dark classroom full of thirty other apathetic teenagers who would probably rather be swallowing slugs than taking the SAT. I don’t know about you, but that’s how I always feel like spending my Saturday mornings! Let’s just hope I only have to take it once.
I haven’t begun studying this mammoth SAT tome yet, but I have cracked the cover and read Kaplan’s tips on getting started. Apparently they have some sort of website where I can register my book and develop a “personalized study plan” for how I am going to get through all ten million pages of this book in a finite period of time. I can just imagine my hypothetical conversation with Kaplan’s SAT website (if it were a person):
Me: “So, I’m here for my study plan!”
Kaplan’s SAT website: “Great! We will produce a study plan tailored to your personal schedule. We realize that each student has different demands on his or her time, and it is not always possible for him or her to begin studying as far in advance as would be most beneficial. But as I’m sure you know we recommend that our students begin our program at least twelve years before they are scheduled to take the SAT. Some especially promising students actually begin reading our book in the womb! So, what’s your timeframe?”
Me: “Uh…. I’m taking it in a month.”
Kaplan’s SAT website: “Oh, ah, yes, well, we see. *Pause * I think you had better try our “So Last-Minute That Your Eyeballs Are Probably Bleeding From The Stress” course. If that doesn’t help, I would recommend our “Maybe We Can Keep You From Flunking Entirely” program. Best of luck!”
…
Okay, maybe it won’t really be that bad.
Maybe.
May 3rd, 2006 at 9:41 pm
Margaret’s taking the SAT sometime soon here as well, so she’s studying up on it… but she’s more worried about the math than about the English. The essay sounds annoying… I was fortunate enough to take the SAT the year before they added that. Apparently they also screwed around with the scoring, so that maximum score is 2400 instead of the good ol’ 1600.
Anyway, the best advice I can give you is just to chill out and go with the flow… as the cover of a famous guide reads, “Don’t Panic!”
May 4th, 2006 at 11:12 pm
I also took the non-essay SAT in November of 2003. I had quite a few study guides and material, but I waited until the weekend before my exam to study. It wasn’t the best planning, but as long as I scored above 800/1600, I’d get into my state school. I didn’t do well, but it didn’t affect the outcome–my tuition was already paid for at UNR for being a Nevada high school student.
Tips from a procrastinator: 1) study the analogies 2) study the analogies 3) study the…Analogies killed me–I probably scored a 50% (or less) on that section. The math section wasn’t that bad–nothing more complex than trig, but still a pain.
I heard from a few of my friends that the ACT is easier, if you’re more math and science oriented. I didn’t take it, but I wish I would have. I’ll take math over English anyday of the week.
Regardless, good luck on your exams! Is this your final year?
May 5th, 2006 at 11:59 am
Actually, I think they removed the analogies from the new SAT. I could be wrong though.
May 6th, 2006 at 11:14 am
The SATs weren’t too bad. Just learn the tricks and learn to remove bogus solutions. I went in cold and did okay, I have a feeling you will do fine. Just don’t let the giant book freak you out!
May 6th, 2006 at 11:10 pm
Oh Erin dearest, you of all people will absolutely nail the SAT
If it helps, I got a really high score on that rediculous 15 minute essay by citing “The Ultimate Survival Handbook” as an example for why random knowledge is just as important as practical knowledge 
May 6th, 2006 at 11:21 pm
Ian - Thanks for the encouragement. I go back and forth between being more worried about the writing and the math. The language usage (or whatever you call them… english?) sections usually go pretty smoothly for me. It’s always on the math and the essay that I run out of time or freak out, though. Don’t panic… that’s right. Ha ha ha. If only.
Jon-Michael - Thanks for taking the time to stop by, and thanks for the advice! I envy your opportunity to take the SAT sans-essay. I have to say from what I’ve learned about it, the essay seems like an extremely arbitrary measure that does not really accurately assess one’s writing skills. Oh well. And I think Ian might be right about the analogies… since I’ve never heard of them. But if I found out there are any I’ll make sure to study them.
The question if whether this is my final year or not is kind of complicated, because I’m homeschooled. Let’s just say if I were in public school I would be a senior next year. That’s the easiest way to explain it. 
Matt - Lol, thanks. I’m trying not to let the giant book freak me out. I just have to think of it as the giant, enormously helpful book.
Hope - Awww, thank you.
We’ll see if you’re right. Did you seriously quote that?? That is beyond awesome. I hope I can find someway to quote something cool like that. 
May 7th, 2006 at 4:17 pm
It’s been a while since I took the SAT, but as far as I remember it was not very difficult at all. All the stuff the books tell you about guessing if you have even the slightest inkling as to what the answer is, crossing out answers you know are wrong, etc., is 100% true. I think I did the SAT the year before they started doing essays, too, or I’d give advice on those, but I’m sure you’ll do fine.