Now it’s time to let things be

Well, I did it. This afternoon we delivered my application for 20 Below to The Register Guard.

For those of you who don’t live in Eugene (or for those of you who do but don’t know about it anyway), 20 Below is a weekly section of our local paper, The Register Guard. It is written by, about, and for teens. Every year they accept applications in a kind of contest to see who will be on their teenage news team for the following school year. And every year that I have been eligible I have kicked myself as I watched the application date go past and didn’t do anything about it. So, since next year is going to be a little bit of a break from school for me, and the year after I will be starting college, I figured it was now or never.

Just for good measure, I applied for both writer and photographer. I personally feel like writing is my stronger category, but I honestly have no idea what they will think. I would be thrilled to be accepted to either position.

This whole process has been very humbling, and a lot more challenging than I thought it would be when I set out on it. For some reason, the ease with which I share my thoughts here escaped me when I tried to write my application pieces. I think I must have had stage fright or something; my fingers turned to lead and every sentence I typed ended up sounding weighty and contrived. I had to work harder than normal to make it sound “natural” and interesting. I did end up being pretty happy with the pieces I submitted—but of course I’m not totally saitisfied with them. I don’t think I ever would have been, no matter how long I worked. And now I’ve had to send them like little children off to their first day of school, hoping that their good qualities shine through and that they don’t get their feelings hurt.

I have been thinking about and puzzling over this application for several weeks now, ever since I learned that today was the deadline. Early on, I wrote the editor of the 20 Below program to ask him if it would be acceptable to adapt a post from my blog to submit as the required story with my application. He told me he thought that would be fine… as long as I don’t have a cult following of thousands of people who would already have read it. (Not yet, eh? ) I originally planned on modifying my infamous “Tossing My Proverbial Easter Cookies,” because I am particularly fond of its comic timing. But after Wednesday being the eventful day that it was, I decided to write about my car instead.

I am still not sure that was the right decision. I second guessed it to the moment that I handed off the envelope this afternoon. And I continued to second guess it all evening at work, thinking over the contents of my story and picking them apart. I know that I could be a great member of the 20 Below team. I know it. But I’m just not sure that I gave them what I needed to prove it. Only time will tell.

But there’s nothing I can do now. It’s gone. Sealed in its little envelope, sitting somewhere in Register Guard headquarters, waiting to be read by some important person. At least I know this much: whatever the outcome of those two humble applications we dropped off today, I can’t say I didn’t try.

And no matter whether or not I become some big-shot newspaper writer (haha), I know I will continue writing here. That may be more fulfilling in the long run anyway.

(P.S. I did talk about my website in my application, so it is entirely possible that one or two folks from the Guard might make their way over here. I know they’re probably really busy with all the applications and may not take the time to check it out, but if any of you are here from 20 Below: Hi! I hope you’re considering me for your team. But don’t worry, I won’t be too mad at you if you aren’t. )

Posted on Friday, May 12th, 2006 at 11:40 pm.
Belongs with: Happening Things.
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