Let me tell you a story…
Once there was a girl. She was going to be starting college soon, and she needed a laptop! So her parents decided, as a graduation/birthday present, to help her buy a Macbook Pro. She was such a lucky girl! So lucky, in fact, that her Macbook Pro arrived almost a week before she thought it would… on a hypothetical date that could have been September 7th, 2006.
And this girl immediately fell in love with her new Macbook Pro. She loved its camera and its clean lines and its lovely operating system. She lost no time in moving her files to this wondrous new machine and settling in to her new computing home. She spent the whole weekend geeking out on her new computer, loading songs onto her new iPod Nano and working on websites and getting things done and video chatting with Glynnis and realizing, “Why yes, Macs are the shiznit.”
But this poor, naive girl was much deceived. Her new Macbook Pro was not the happy, well-adjusted companion which she assumed it to be; no, it was very depressed. It knew that it was only a matter of time before it was Jobs’ed… any day now his Steveness would release some brand spanking new laptop that would permanently demote it on the Apple totem pole. No longer able to handle the stress of such a fragile existence, it committed suicide one grim Sunday evening, mere days after the girl in question welcomed it into her home.
Never did this girl suspect that her new friend would resort to such desperate measures; imagine her shock and dismay when its lovely, bright, colorful display suddenly went black! She tried everything: she hit control-command-power button, she reset the PRAM, she reset the Power Manager, she gave it mouth to mouth, she sacrificed chickens, she promised it her firstborn child, but the little Macbook Pro would not turn on.
So she went to bed that night disheartened and distressed, unwilling to believe that the plucky little machine had actually given up the ghost. When she awoke the next morning, she tried again to revive her friend. She whispered sweet words into its metallic ears; she assured it that she would love it just as much if Apple released a newer, faster Macbook Pro. It would always be the spiffiest Macbook Pro in her eyes. Crossing her fingers, she touched the power button once more… and, lo and behold, tones chimed and the hard disk spun and the screen lit up! It turned on!
After giving it a celebratory pat on the keyboard, the girl pranced off to eat some breakfast. But when she returned, she realized her mistake; without her there to offer encouragement, her Macbook Pro had once again tried to take its own life. And this time, no honeyed words could coax it back to this world.
She knew what she had to do now. So she carried her poor, stricken Macbook Pro down to the neighborhood Mac Store. And there she spoke to a young man who seemed confident in the ways of Apple computers, and who wasted no time in showing her how his expertise would solve this problem. So he tried to turn it on. And he tried again. And he tried all of the tricks that our girl had tried the night before (minus the firstborn child bit). And after trying all of his tricks he looked resignedly at the screen and uttered these words of immeasurable wisdom and value: “Wow, it really won’t turn on, will it?”
The girl resisted the urge to roll her eyes, instead filling out the necessary forms to check her little Macbook Pro into the Mac hospital. The young man assured her that their personal Tech Man would look at it as soon as he could—which, he said, was probably a week from when she dropped it off. She sighed and tried to act grateful and walked out of the store with a sadly empty baby-blue laptop sleeve hanging limply from her arm.
And now this lucky, college-bound girl has been without her Macbook Pro for as many days as she had it—so long, in fact, that she hardly remembers what it was like in the first place. But when she does remember it, she hopes and prays that it will receive the therapy necessary to bring it home safe and sound, and COMPLETELY UN-SUICIDAL.
The end.
September 15th, 2006 at 12:26 am
I’ve had my Powerbook for three months now and am on the third one. First one was there fault, second one just stopped reading the battery and now they’ve replaced so much to the second one it’s like having a new one.
Although I didn’t offer up my child, or deal with chickens. But man, now I wish I would have!
September 15th, 2006 at 12:48 am
…sorry…
September 15th, 2006 at 6:28 am
It’s sad, and yet so funny the way it’s told. All in the delivery… I sincerely hope your “child” will be delivered back to you in good condition soon.
September 15th, 2006 at 8:14 am
Oh so very unfair!
Just as you were really getting to enjoy it! I’ve been an Apple user since I was 4 years old, and I still love them. I have a MacBook Pro now; a replacement for my G4 Powerbook which was cruelly stolen from my parents’ car on my wedding day… yes while we were in the church. Anyway, I’ve had no problems with my new MacBook Pro…other than I hate the name, so let’s call her Clothilde like I do… and she’s GREAT for photo editing.
It seems to occasionally happen that Apple gets a bit confused and ships a Lemon instead. I’m sure it will get sorted out, and I hope you enjoy your new computer. Probably you should become familiar with the Apple discussion boards… they can be quite helpful, particularly in deciding if/when it needs to go in to a pro: discussions.apple.com/index.jspa. People are usually encouraging and friendly, especially to new users (though there’s always the occasional techie-know-it-all-jerk floating around… ignore those).
I’ve been reading your blog a bit lately and really enjoying it! I’m very excited for you about college! Best of luck and have fun!!!
September 15th, 2006 at 9:05 am
Ash - Ack! Don’t scare me like that. (P.S. I was kidding about the chickens.
)
Sarah - Thank you very much for stopping by! That’s awful what happened to your Powerbook—hence why I am too paranoid to leave anything in my car. (See my comment on your blog.)
September 15th, 2006 at 9:50 am
Eh, you know, that happens with some percentage of most electronics.
When you’re manufacturing anything that complicated (and computers are probable the most complex piece of hardware you own) on a large scale, you’re bound to get some degree of error in manufacturing. Its plain statistics, and it happens.
That said, I know people who’ve had similar problems with iPods, but fewer with actual machines from Apple. Its rare, but it happens.
I couldn’t be happier with my nearly year-old Powerbook. Well, except that the left speaker needs to be replaced (hoorah for Applecare!), which I’ll be taking in to get looked at as soon as I get my new battery (yeah, mine was one of the ones in the Sony battery recall effecting Dell, Apple, and I can’t remember who else…). Most people I know feel similarly about their Mac.
Best of luck, and welcome. You won’t regret the switch once you get this sorted out. I promise.
September 15th, 2006 at 7:06 pm
that is a hilarious telling of a very sad tale. i grieve your loss.
September 15th, 2006 at 11:07 pm
I told my brother, who is a huge mac user and he told me that we should hug eachother, or go to the mac store and start to freak out more because no one likes it when two girls are freaking out.
(And I know! It made me laugh to the point my roommate asked me if I was ok.
)
September 16th, 2006 at 12:25 pm
Oh, sad
September 16th, 2006 at 1:52 pm
Geez… now this is why I hate Macs. Although it’s pretty much the same with all laptops, with Macs, you can’t just take them to anybody to repair them. You have to take them to a Mac specialist or whatever. Seriously. Oh well, I hope it gets fixed soon so you can actually do something with it.
October 18th, 2006 at 8:57 pm
This makes me very sad. I have a well-used old PowerBook G4 (the adorable 12″ variety) that has a recalled battery. Evidently it will CATCH ON FIRE without notice. I can’t bring myself to send it in because I will be without my little friend for as much as two weeks.
(I’m feeling angst-y just writing about this)