The past week has been a greater test of my mental and physical endurance than I believe I have ever undergone. It was proof that I can almost always give just a little more (sleep a little less, drink a little more caffeine) than I think I can.
But it also almost killed me.
In my last post, I seemed pretty gung ho, didn’t I? Like I could pretty much take on the world, so those writing assignments had better watch out if they knew what was good for them, hadn’t they?
It was a lie.
That post was part of the delicate process of psyching myself up to face a seemingly insurmountable challenge. If I don’t let myself think about how bad it is, then I can just push through and do it, right? What I didn’t tell you in that post is that in the space of a few short days, in addition to my normal schoolwork, I had 1) my first Gutenberg paper, 2) the essay for national merit semifinalist stuff, and 3) my first 20Below column, all due.
Now, I like writing. You know I do. I mean, why else would I have applied to 20Below? Why else would I have started this blog? Why else would I still be writing in it? (Okay, I have to admit, you all are the main reason I’m still writing in it.) But as much as I love it, writing is also one of the most painful processes I ever put myself through.
As I’m sure any writer will tell you, arriving at the heart of what you really want to say is not an easy process. It takes time. It is not the sort of thing that you can cram into an hour or two, even if, say, for instance, you must write a paper which is due the next morning at class. Or an essay which is going to harm or help your chances at becoming a national merit scholar. Or a column which is going to be published IN THE NEWSPAPER.
This is the reason I found myself, over the course of five days last week, with a sum total of TEN hours of sleep.
No, not per night. Yeah, it was that bad.
The worst episode was Wednesday night/Thursday morning. That was the night I finished my 20Below column. Let’s just say you know you are in trouble when you make yourself a cup of caffeinated tea at 1:30 am to power your way through a column that is due in eight and a half hours.
There is no despair quite like slumping over your laptop at the kitchen table at 5:30 in the morning, listening to the Star Wars soundtrack on an infinite loop and staring through your increasingly blurry eyes at the words that just don’t seem to be coming together. That’s when you start considering the option of moving to Madagascar rather than facing the wrath of your editor when you tell him that you couldn’t turn your column in… because you fell asleep at 6:00 am.
I think it was about 5:30 Thursday morning that I realized something pretty monumental: I had been punishing my body for the last five days. I had been working myself to the ground, then pushing myself back up and working myself back down to the ground again. But despite all that, I felt better in a certain way than I had for a long time—like there was some kind of twisted rightness in pushing my way through to the end of these neverending projects, no matter what the cost to my physical or mental health.
Nevertheless, I hope never to repeat the experience.
I slept nine hours Thursday night, and felt like a human being for the first time in a week on Friday. Three days later, I’m beginning to regain full functionality (for whatever that’s worth). In fact, I should probably be going—it’s already eleven, which is waaaayy past my bedtime now.
Of course, we’ll see how long that lasts. (Probably until until the next round of writing assignments is due.)
October 15th, 2006 at 11:58 pm
You are very dedicated.
October 16th, 2006 at 2:57 am
I’ve had a week or two like that within the past year, and I also wish to never go through that again. Pulling all-nighters one after another was hell. I know I’ll be repeating the experience again sooner or later, though….
October 16th, 2006 at 6:01 am
I’m glad you survived, Erin. At least it sounds like you’re done with the National Merit essay and won’t have that again. Here’s hoping life will bring somewhat controllable chaos.
October 16th, 2006 at 7:53 am
Erin, I remember during my semester of college I procrastinated on a paper and had to write it all in one night. I did sleep, but less than two hours. After that night, and the miserable day that followed, I vowed never to do it again. And I succeeded in keeping my vow. So it is possible! There is hope! It just takes some time management skills, some anti-procrastination attitude, and a good deal of determination.
I’m praying you’ll be able to keep that 11 PM bedtime…
October 16th, 2006 at 9:20 am
As the late, great Douglas Adams once said, “Writing is easy. You only need to stare at a piece of blank paper until your forehead bleeds.”
October 16th, 2006 at 11:09 am
wow. I love highschool.
I just have a question. Did all that happen because you procrastinated or was it completely unavoidable? I’m trying to figure out for myself whether or not its possible to make it through college without weeks like that. Probably not huh? sigh, for all of you who are already through some college, is it actually ever fun? can you actually have any free time without putting anything off? Can you only survive if you are some kind of organizational superhero? my future is looking bleak. I’m sorry you had to go through that Erin. 
October 16th, 2006 at 11:24 am
heh-heh, welcome to college
October 16th, 2006 at 10:49 pm
Luke - easier said than done! For instance, it is almost midnight right now… oops.
Paul - Hahaha! That is FANTASTIC. That pretty much sums it up, right there.
Rachel - I didn’t mean to scare you! I would say that yes, procrastination had a huge part to play in the situation in which I found myself last week. And you should keep in mind that I had similar struggles all throughout highschool… but I just didn’t have as many high pressure deadlines then. So I would say, if you struggle with procrastination now, you probably still will in college, and it will be an even bigger deal. But if you don’t, you probably have a relatively reasonable hope of not having a week like I just had.
October 16th, 2006 at 11:33 pm
Which Star Wars soundtrack?
October 17th, 2006 at 10:12 am
thanks erin! i feel somewhat better now. I have 2 years to tackle my procrastination habits. ha. haha. right.
I’m getting a little better than i used to though. I hope that you dont find yourself in that place again. 
October 17th, 2006 at 12:45 pm
Damian - Attack of the Clones. I love Across the Stars.
October 17th, 2006 at 1:38 pm
Yay for all-nighters! OK, not really, because continuously not getting sleep is just not pleasant, and trying to stay awake the next day is bad even when you’ve only stayed up all night once. Just the same, some of my favorite memories (especially from last year) were of nights that involved no sleep, so there’s something to be said for them
October 18th, 2006 at 4:58 pm
I discovered that about myself, too. I can always push myself and amazingly get through even more than I ever thought possible. But, I kept going through that experience, too. So hang in there! I’m sure there is no limit to your capabilities.
At some point, you’ll start thinking, “this is cake!”
October 21st, 2006 at 4:49 pm
Don’t be a sissy.
October 23rd, 2006 at 5:25 am
[…] (Yes, this is that column; the one that I almost killed myself to write.) Ironically, I wrote about blogging. Seems like I can’t get away from talking about that these days; but I felt that with the launch of the new 20Below blog the Register Guard could do with an infusion of goodwill towards blogging. So that’s what I tried to accomplish. […]
October 23rd, 2006 at 3:47 pm
Don’t look at them as ASSIGNMENTS; don’t look at them as THINGS YOU HAVE TO DO. Rather, look at them as THINGS YOU LOVE TO DO - because, believe me, once you change your perspective, you will see that they are helping you become a better writer, a better artist - a better person in any case.
October 28th, 2006 at 10:09 am
Just wait…you think you get past all those all nighters when your school days end and then you become a mother…and you learn a new meaning to sleep deprivation…