This morning before work, I shuffled into the kitchen and set some water for my coffee on the stove. Then I shuffled into the hallway, grabbed a box of Wheaties from the pantry, and shuffled back into the kitchen to pour myself some cereal.
It was a brand new, never-before-opened box of Wheaties. As I prepared to break the seal, my sleepy eyes happened to focus on these words, written on the small tab in the middle of the box top: “To Open, Slide Finger Under Arrows to Left And Right.”
This gave me pause.
Now, I realize that American consumers are becoming dumber. Or, at least, that the companies who offer us products to consume believe we are. So I honestly was not all that bothered by the fact that Wheaties felt compelled to tell me how to rip one piece of cardboard off of another piece of cardboard. The thing that really bothered me—that left me standing there puzzling for a full three seconds before actually pouring my cereal—was why they stopped there.
The thing is, opening the box top has never been the problem for me. Anyone who has been alive for more than four or five years knows that opening the bag is the really challenging part of a new box of cereal.
Maybe I am alone in this, but I just find it kind of disturbing that in this age of “do not insert knife into child”-type labels, Wheaties couldn’t take the time to give us poor bewildered cereal-eaters a little direction when it came to opening that darned plastic bag. It wouldn’t have to be anything fancy—a simple “To Open, USE SCISSORS” would probably suffice. Anything to alleviate those few frantic moments of tugging and grunting and teeth-gnashing and swearing at that stupid welded-together plastic.
After I had given this weighty topic its due consideration (and after I had finally managed to open the plastic bag), I poured myself some cereal.
Then, after stuffing the bag back down into the box, I closed the box top. And that’s when I noticed these words: “TO CLOSE, PUSH TAB UNDER HERE.”
…
I’m just saying…
November 26th, 2006 at 12:59 am
Your post reminded me of this:
The problem with America is stupidity. I’m not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don’t we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?”
Source: http://bash.org/?4753
November 26th, 2006 at 1:04 am
Hey Erin! GOD, if I had a Nobel prize, you’d get it! I swear you’ll be making money out of writing for the rest of your life!
Amazing entry, this is what happens to me every day (over here, they tend to put it on packets of cigarettes…) and I’ve never thought of it this way!
Brilliant
Keep it going!
November 26th, 2006 at 1:25 am
As Zinzy wrote, this is a brillant post : so true!! But, you know, I could write such a things for our french petit dejeuner… Our world of consumerism is sometimes like a tele-tubbies’world.
November 26th, 2006 at 2:03 am
Damn those cereal box makers. Damn them all to Hell. America really is getting stupider. I guess it’s just sad to hear that the cereal corperations have a case of the stupids. It’s the bane of us all, stupidity. Oh, and… er… good blogin’ there. Keep it up?
November 27th, 2006 at 12:24 am
Well that’s because everybody is trying to sue everyone to get some money: Oh, Mr. Ronald McDonald, I wasn’t prepared, that the coffee is HOT!
I remember a five minute monologue, as I visited America once, of using the escalator in Universal Studios. I was always standing on the right hand side, like I was used to in Europe, so busy people can pass by. Since then I’m standing LIKE A ROCK in the middle! You never stop learning
November 27th, 2006 at 1:29 pm
Reminds me about Brian Regan’s bit on Pop-Tarts.
“There are two sets of directions on Pop-Tarts, one for the toaster, which, I’m not joking, are longer than one step…”