5 reasons you would have pretended not to know me if we had met at work today

1. My hair was doing that thing again. I threw it into a ponytail approximately 0.5 seconds before I had to be in my car driving to work, took one look at the way that it was coiling and flipping all around itself like some kind of mad snake and said, “All right, hair. You win this round.”
2. I poured super glue all over my hands in such a way that for the greater part of the evening my palms felt like sandpaper. I was actually on the phone when it happened… and in my fidgety way I happened to pick up a tube of super glue which happened to be slightly unscrewed and happened to spill out all over my hands and my apron and the floor while I mouthed silent terror at it. Now the patches of dried glue are finally starting to wear off, but it makes typing a little awkward.
3. I forgot to brush my teeth this morning. That’s bad enough—it meant that I had bad breath today. But you know what’s worse? Brace yourself—I didn’t brush them last night, either! How could such a travesty happen to a human being, you ask? The answer is too complicated. Suffice to say, that was enough to elevate my breath from bad to super-gosh-awful bad. I’m sure the customers appreciated that.
4. I am getting a cold. This is probably the optimum thing I could wish to happen, ever! Especially during Christmas break. But it led to the rather unintentionally funny side effect of my not being able to talk for the first half of today. I just tried, and… not much came out. I managed to interact with customers, but it probably sounded like I was standing on the other side of the room. Inside an aquarium.
5. But only for the first half of the day. Because, later, as I was standing in the back room drinking from my mug of warm tea, a funny thing happened. I discovered that the reason I could not talk was not actually because of my sore throat, but because a GIANT WAD of PHLEGM had wedged itself in my throat—a fact that I only discovered as I SWALLOWED said giant wad of phlegm. Which inevitably led me to the realization that there is nothing quite like the feeling of having just swallowed a giant wad of phlegm that you did not even know was in your throat. And, yes, you are welcome for that mental image.

So, basically, this afternoon I was a messy-haired, super-glue-handed, bad-breathed, mute, phlegmy-throated employee. sigh

I can’t wait for the Google searches on that one.

Posted on Wednesday, December 13th, 2006 at 11:04 pm.
Belongs with: Silly Things.
If you wish, follow the comments feed.
Comments are closed.