The following conversation was recorded INSIDE MY HEAD last night at approximately 12:30 am:
“Ummph. I can’t sleep. Why can’t I sleep? I’m tired. My room is dark. It’s quiet. I didn’t drink caffeine today. I’ve tried counting camera lenses that I want and everything. What’s the problem?”
The problem is probably that your hyperactive brain won’t shut down for the night. You should try rolling over to the side on which you normally sleep. Maybe it will get the hint.
*rolls over *
“AGH! The pain! In my abdomen! What was that? Why did it only hurt when I rolled over?? Am I dying???”
Uh oh, here it comes. Here comes the senseless worrying. The countless scenarios spun out past all probability. Please, let’s just avoid all of that and go to sleep.
“But, I mean, what could it be? It couldn’t be, like, my ribs poking into my heart, could it? I couldn’t be internally bleeding right now, could I? Or could I be… having a heart attack?”
No, that’s silly. Good grief, don’t let the darkness and your fatigue get the better of your common sense. You know everything seems scarier at night. It’s probably nothing, anyway. Remember that one time when you were like eight and you were in the shopping mall with your dad and brother and kept screaming, “My tummy hurts SOOOO bad! Dad, I feel AWFUL!” And he said back to you, “Erin, it’s probably just GAS.” Do you remember how that shut you up? Do you remember how crimson your face turned? Well, that is probably what is happening to you right now. So I recommend that you forget about it and go to sleep.
“I suppose you’re right. But, now that you’ve got me thinking about it… isn’t it scary to imagine all the little things that could go wrong in your body? I mean, if any one of the hundreds of tiny processes that sustain your body stop working, it could very easily cause a chain reaction leading to your death—or, at the very least, your severe discomfort.”
Oh please. Don’t start with that one again. You did enough of that in your Biology class.
“No, but really, think about it! There are so many things that could go wrong! How can you possibly just go on existing without trembling in fear?”
Hold on there. Don’t forget who’s controlling this whole operation: it’s not you, and it’s not nobody. It’s God, and He is a whole lot better at it than you ever could be. So if He says your body’s going to keep on working, it’s going to keep on working. And if He says it’s not going to, then it’s not going to. And remember, this world is not what it’s all about, anyway. Death and discomfort are not the worst things that can happen to you.
“Thanks. I needed that. Sorry for whining… the dark must have addled my brain.”
Told you so.
“Well, goodnight, then.”
Pleasant dreams.
*zzZZZZzzzzZZZZzzzz… *
December 17th, 2006 at 7:44 pm
You do those zzZZZZzzzz’s very well. And I hope my brain’s as wise as yours next time I’m awake in the night.
December 18th, 2006 at 12:14 am
Gas HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Gassssssssssssssssssss HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA. Tra lalalalalalalala GAS! TEE HEE GAS!!! I find the fact that you had gas very hilarious, indeed. poot
December 18th, 2006 at 5:56 pm
That just made my final-filled day so much better. (Btw, I’ve been reading your blog for a while–not stalkerishly, mind you–and I love it!)
Great post. Keep it up! =]
December 18th, 2006 at 10:26 pm
And I thought that only we who have lived a little longer were the only ones who had such morbid thoughts in those dark, irrational hours.
You’ve got yourself a couple of decades of head start, I guess! Quicker to get it right - which it looks like you already have.
Ribs poking into your heart - ha! That’s a good one. Hope I don’t remember it next I have - gas.
Love your blog, kiddo!