The amount of worry that I can put into looking, acting, and living a certain way is truly dizzying.
It’s like spending twenty-four hours a day trying to wind the details of your life up into neat little skeins and arrange them on color-coded shelves (and convincing yourself that if just one of those skeins were to come unraveled, life would simply not be worth living) only to discover they are still a tangled mess of yarn on the floor—and what’s more, that these threads have been distracting you from what really mattered all along.
Sometimes I think that all of my anxiety in life can be traced back to that intense desire to be other than I am. Better, in the world’s eyes. Perfect, in my own. I know it’s wrong. But I also know I am not alone in this.
So, please—forgive everyone for not having their skeins neatly wound up and sorted. And even more, have mercy on those of us who are still trying to pretend that we do.
July 21st, 2008 at 2:47 am
Very honest, Erin.
You really aren’t alone in this, I am sure many feel the same way.
Truthfully, I think you are a very talented person and I certainly look up to you in the ways that you approach things, photograph and write about them!