GROUP A: Well-intentioned, amiable folks who are truly kind and loving. They’ve got it going on. Safe.
GROUP B: Bitter, self-deluded ne’er-do-wells who make bad decisions that hurt those around them. Unsafe.
Why must the never-tiring sorter that sits hunched up in my brain find a way to cram every single person into one of these two boxes? With the exception of a few fortunate individuals who have not interacted with me enough to be assigned to either category, I pass this judgment so subconsciously and instantaneously that almost no one I know is immune from its verdict.
Why am I always taken aback when someone from Group B extends me kindness? Why am I so quick to let them switch places with someone from group A who has grieved me? Surely, even the corroded, gnarled-up, ugliest part of my sub-conscious must realize that human beings are more complex than any on/off switch can account for.
I should not be surprised at the members of Group B who demonstrate Group A tendencies—because, you see, Group B does not exist. And neither does Group A. We are each of us a special blend of the two—a treacherous cocktail so equally capable of love and hate that any attempt to see which rules in our hearts from our earth-bound vantage point seems futile at best. It’s like trying to judge someone’s driving by looking at a snapshot of their car.
I am honestly ashamed that this truth has not yet sunk in—especially when all the evidence I could ever need beats in my own chest. Have I not embodied the “Unsafe” so well and so often that any fellow sorters must have me pegged there? How can I look down on others for speaking what flows so naturally from my own lips?
I can’t, of course. But I do. Every day. Every encounter. Every opportunity for my sorter to sort. How I wish I could send that sorter packing—or at least, force myself to realize that just as I sort others, so I will be sorted.
Please, Lord, forgive me for sorting.
July 29th, 2008 at 5:53 am
That may be one of the most interesting, original phrases I have ever seen on a blog.
July 29th, 2008 at 7:19 am
Perhaps – and I’m just uttering a random thought here – its not that you truly classify people this way – you just natually get on with some kinds of people and don’t with others (as does anyone) and the way you’ve chosen to interpret who you do and do not get on with is through this ‘Class A’ and ‘Class B’ system. But I think its awfully big of you to readily admit it and that you know you’re wrong – don’t feel too bad about it… :p
July 29th, 2008 at 1:40 pm
I have to agree with Adam on this: what a great sentence! I love the crafting of it. I’m so excited to see you posting more. Writing like this makes me smile with pleasure reading it.
PS – love the pictures you’ve put up recently on Flickr too!
July 29th, 2008 at 4:15 pm
Cobbled: I think there is something to that; the judgment I’m talking about may very well often stem from the basic attraction/repulsion that different personality types experience when confronted with each other. But it is also deeper than that; it is a refusal to see through bad qualities to good ones–and a blindness to those same bad qualities in myself. Just because someone might never be my best friend does not mean that they are any less worthwhile as a human being.
Adam & Philip: Thank you both very much. I write things like this because they burn a hole in my heart if I don’t get them out, but it’s very gratifying that others can find value in them too.
July 31st, 2008 at 2:46 pm
I came to almost this exact same realization about a year ago (I have the same groups and everything). You really want there to be a group B so you don’t have to care about them, but it just doesn’t work that way. It’s hard, but it’s a good lesson. I’m still learning it.
August 15th, 2008 at 2:32 am
I was talking about a similar thing yesterday, to my traveling companion. I think my groups are a little different, but people are very much in one or the other. And yeah, I wish I could stop weighing them too.
September 10th, 2008 at 6:29 am
I used to base my opinion of a person completely on my first impression. You can ask Tommy how that worked out in his case. It’s hard not to be caught in that trap. We’re so quick to protect ourselves that we don’t open up to the many types of people and styles of relating in the world. But you’re a definite A in my book!
August 24th, 2009 at 8:02 am
Catching up from way behind, as usual. I completely understand your classifications, and have used similar ones myself for many years. I can’t count the number of times I’ve told a friend “you don’t need that person in your life, he/she/it is not helping you, just draining your life essence away.” I was always the strong one, the protector, the one whom all the girls could come to with their problems.
And then, my life changed. I became one of those unreliable people who, with the best of intentions, didn’t follow through on promises. I tried to do too much and ended up doing not nearly enough, or at times nothing. I could feel myself sliding from category A to B and didn’t like it, but felt powerless to change it.
I recovered, and fell back, and am recovering again. I took a lot of pride — perhaps false pride? — in being a solid category A. Becoming a category B person, and worse, having to ask others for help! was the worst experience of my life. And yet, emerging from the far side once again, I can see that it has helped me grow and become a more complete person. I can help people now, not with the smug self-satisfaction of being a strong, solid category A person, but with the knowledge of what it’s like to desperately and completely need the help of another human being.
Best of luck in school and life, Erin.