What is it about transition that always seems to bring me back here? Whenever my life has reached cruising altitude for any particular slice of the year, it becomes incredibly easy to pass by both pen and keyboard without bothering to reflect on anything except the daily busy-ness that fills my thoughts.

But there’s something about times like these—times between times—when my heart is creeping back to school but my belongings and responsibilities still lie largely at home—when I feel, quite literally, neither here nor there. At these times I feel the need to steady myself—to get a grip on something other than the land ripping in two beneath me—and so I grasp at words and pictures in an attempt to see both where I’ve been and where I’m going.

Of course, times like these also force me to examine the staggeringly-many (it seems like millions of) posts titled-but-not-written, canvases collected-but-not-painted-on, emails received-but-not-answered—all of them planned-but-not-realized episodes in this rapidly-ending season. For someone to whom completeness appeals so deeply, I have opened an awful lot of books I haven’t closed.

I am dwelling on transition and my life’s so-far accomplishments (or lack thereof) in part because I just celebrated my twentieth birthday. It was truly a lovely day—an opportunity for me to be reminded, once again, of how blessed I am to have the family, friends, and community that I do. I am very glad that I turned twenty.

But twenty is such a singular age. Teetering on the brink of adulthood, it is a number brimming with both promise and regret. Promise because, at twenty, my soul still insists on looking ahead, anticipating the excitement and fulfillment which it believes will no doubt characterize the rest of my life; regret because, at twenty, I have already experienced enough to know better.

It’s a humbling thought, the realization that this world is going to let me down, and it’s one I hope I can hang on to as I navigate this particular time of transition. Not so I might throw my hands up and say life is not worth living, but so I might sit calmly through the turbulence I will undoubtedly encounter, and remember that what is truly important cannot be shaken by those small bumps and jostles.

With all that said, here’s to the new school year: may it be meaningful and character-building for us all.

Songs that are currently haunting me (please ignore the associated videos):

• Richard Thompson - Beeswing
• The Flaming Lips - Do You Realize?
• Sun Kil Moon - Carry Me Ohio